After a long time of self-sabotage, I’ve finally decided to bring my site back.
Self-sabotage? You ask.
Yes! I fell for a dirty little trick our brains like to play whenever we step out of our purpose. It starts to whisper that you’re not good enough, that you really don’t have anything of value to offer others.
That’s a dangerous place to find yourself at. Only I know for how long I’ve struggled with this. And for your surprise, I’m well aware of how all of this works, in theory. But still, I fell for it.
It wasn’t easy to pull myself back together. But I’ve managed.
I have to thank my brother from another Mexican mother – Señor Sergio Felix.
The most authentic guy in all of the realms.
Sergio encouraged me to shoot my first video ever, no big deal. Right? Wrong! I’m probably the most camera shy guy on this earth. The result was terrible, of course. But it doesn’t matter, what’s important is that he gave me the confidence I lacked to get my ugly mug out there. It was an amazing feeling!
Unfortunately, back then I was trying too hard to be something I’m not. I was trying to fit in, trying to please everyone. If you’ve been on that boat, you know I was bound to failure and frustration.
So I did what I thought was the right thing to do, I took cover and pretty much disappeared from all things online.
I’m not even sure for how long I went missing.
I’ve always played with the idea of bringing my site back, but my fears kept me prisoner.
- What if my English is crap?
- What if I really have nothing of value to say?
- What if people think I’m a fraud?
- What if I can’t come up with interesting content?
- What if I suck?
- What if…
I didn’t hide completely, of course. I kept learning and moving on with my life. But I just couldn’t get over that stinking fear of putting myself out there.
That was until recently while engaging in a relaxed and fun conversation with Sergio and his friends on FB, it hit me. That crazy momentum. When all of a sudden things get clear!
While fooling around on Facebook I realised what I knew all along.
I’m not here to try, I’m not here to be what you or others expect me to be. I’m here to be myself, with all my faults and qualities. It’s not my responsibility to worry whether some one out there will like me for what I really am, or hate me for that very reason. It’s my place to just BE and let go, period.
So here I am my friends, back with a bang!
I’m not fearless, don’t get me wrong. The same fear is still present, the difference is that I will no longer let it take the best of me. I’m the one dealing the cards now.
The only thing I can promise you here, besides brutal honesty, is that I will do my best to share what I know (and what I learn) with you.
If you can find value on what I share, that’s great… it really is! If you feel I’m full of shit, that’s also fine by me.
I’m no longer attached.
If you find yourself in the same place I was, feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk about it. Or reach out to someone else, but do something.
Unleash yourself from the imaginary shackles!
I remember Dr. Wayne Dyer mentioning this phrase, it pretty much sums it up:
Don’t die with your music still in you.
I’m about to start singing out loud!
Thanks for reading!