Knowing what you don’t want


This has been floating on my mind a lot in the past couple of years.


I never took the regular route in life. I was terrible at school, I never wished to be a lawyer, a doctor, or even an astronaut or race car pilot.

I felt really uncomfortable when people would start comparing me to others, stating how well some other kid was doing with his studies, while I was failing terribly. Or later in life, how someone had a “safe” job working for someone else while I was busting my balls trying to make a living online and failing.

The only thing I knew growing up, was that I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want a career, a boss, a Phd.

This is not an easy path, far from it, it’s quite challenging and a lot of people often surrender when they’re faced with the reality of going this route. The reality that you are responsible for your own fate. There’s no one else to blame but yourself.

Still to this date, I don’t have a clear picture in my mind of what I really want. I do know that I love inspiring and helping others, so that’s where I’m dedicating my time currently.

I’m discovering what I DON’T want in my life.

Some people go through their entire lives miserably because they have no clue what they don’t want. They lead successful careers, they’re “happily” married. They really look flawless from an outside point-of-view.

But maybe they’re putting up with arrogant and selfish people on a daily basis. Maybe they’re married to an egotistic partner. Maybe they’re really close to a breakdown because they can’t take the corporate bullshit anymore…

Mind you, these are mere examples.

I never expected to feel so relieved for knowing and avoiding things and people I don’t want in my life.

Easier said than done! You may be thinking.

That’s right, easier said than done.

When you start living by your values and principles you’re bound to give up on business opportunities that just don’t fit, this could very well translate into a monetary loss. It could mean the end of a relationship. Some people could start looking at you different and gossip about how you went all “new age”.

Change is always difficult. But there are rewards.

You will travel much lighter once you’re clear on what you want to avoid in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should try to avoid anything that bothers you.


We can’t always avoid what we don’t like. Shit will happen, you will feel down, you will fail, you will feel scared. That’s life. But you can, and really should, start paying attention to the things that are dragging you down. The negative people, the little things that you do on a daily basis that brings no value to your life.

You don’t have to come up with a list, just start noticing.

Be aware!

Thanks for reading, have an amazing rest of your day.

We’ll talk soon.


About the author

Rod Gomes

I'm sharing my passion for personal growth, self-awareness, and development of the human potential. I have devoted the last 6 years of my life to studying this potential and applying what I have learned as often and as well as possible.


Leave a Reply

  • Ah – I’m at the right place. 🙂 This is the stuff I’m interested in. It took me many years to find out what I didn’t want, work-wise. Now I know what I want & the lifestyle that fulfils me. You can’t follow the sheep – they don’t know where they’re going. But knowing what you want & don’t want is a continuous process, sometimes. An act of refining. Sculpting your life like an artist, to leave only the minimum – the essence – that you need to fulfil your life’s goals .

    Good one, Rod! 🙂

    • Hey Paul,

      Glad to know we share the same interests. Thanks for your support!

      I agree that it’s a continuos process. We can–however–choose to stay alert. To be conscious of our surrounds, thus making it much easier to detect and avoid what we don’t want to be part of our lives, or embrace and multiple what we do want.

      Loved your last sentence!

      All the best my man.


      • It’s true, when you start noticing (for example what causes negative energy), you’re halfway there. You will look at things (and people) differently and give priority to those (things) who deserve it. I used to put too much effort into relationships (in private and at work) that just were sucking out the energy out of me. Now that I start focussing more instead of just haning around a dozen of things/people, I feel much more positive vibes. Interesting and well written blog, Rod!

        • Hi Goachi,

          Thanks for stopping by!

          “When you start noticing, you’re halfway there”.

          I agree 100% with that. Sometimes we get so sucked in that it makes it really hard to even notice.

          If you have kindness and compassion in your heart, you will end up putting too much effort into relationships/people that are not worthy.

          Thank you for the kind words.


  • Choosing the road less travelled is definitely tough but it’s not a tough as it was in the past. Now we have the internet where we can find many people to model and follow. The internet has really opened up my eyes to different options!

    • Hi Daragh,

      It sure isn’t easy. But it’s a very interesting and rewarding journey. And you’re spot on, the internet is an amazing learning tool. To be able to follow – and learn from – people that have travelled a similar path before us, is a privilege.

      I’m happy to see you here. Thanks!

By Rod Gomes

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